Bob's Blah Blah Blog

I just finished installing a new theme and a few new plugins to optimize this blog for iPhone and other mobile browsers. So far, things are working great, but would love to hear your opinion of the new system.

On Jan 17, 2008 I cut the top of my thumb off with a knife I either sharpened too well or aimed too poorly. Either way, I thought the doc was kidding when he told me he was going to “super glue” it back on, but that he did. Since then, my thumb has never been the same.

This morning, I woke up and walked through my usual routine but something seemed different. I didn’t realize it at first, but after about an hour of reading through my blogs and news posts, it dawned on me I could feel my thumb again. Now this not not thumbthing to be taken lightly because my numb digit has gotten in the way of things more than a few times over the last year.

So, with thumb-pun intended i say, “Welcome back my thumb. Although you’ve been with me all along, you were lost, but now you are found.”

I’ve been playing around with Distant Shore, a new application from The Blimp Pilots, the same group that developed the beautifully zen, Koi Pond. Like Koi Pond, Distant Shore is beautifully designed with stunning graphics and like Koi Pond, operation is stunningly simple.

Walk up down a tranquil beach collecting sea shells. For every five shells you collect, you receive an empty bottle. Write a message, shove it in a bottle and cast it into the ocean for other players to discover on their beaches. When you find a bottle and read the message, you can write a reply and send it back. When you receive a reply, it ends up in a turtle-shaped mailbox outside your beach hut.

After a couple hours of play, I can honestly say this is the most unique social networking application I have seen to date and has the potential of being quite addictive if it finds a wide following and the authors keep things interesting.

Have you found one of my messages? Let me know by posting a message here.

We’ve been lucky. While things are definitely slowing in the business world, we have remained quite busy. In fact, over the last few weeks, I’ve had an above average number of contracts to negotiate. Most of the companies we work with appreciate the effort and expense we put forth to create simple, plain-english contracts, with the best interest of both parties in mind.

There is always an exception or two. We will work those out in time, but I wonder what the real cost of legal-eze is to business and how it affects our productivity. Given my desk is covered in whereas and wherefores, I can’t help but wonder what would a favorite poem look like if we sent it through the legal department? With that question in mind, I give you this old favorite.

The Night Before Christmas (In legal-eze)

Whereas, on or about the night prior to Christmas, there did occur at a certain improved piece of real property (hereinafter “the House”) a general lack of stirring by all creatures therein, including, but not limited to a mouse.

A variety of foot apparel, e.g., stocking, socks, etc., had been affixed by and around the chimney in said House in the hope and/or belief that St. Nick a/k/a/ St. Nicholas a/k/a/ Santa Claus (hereinafter “Claus”) would arrive at sometime thereafter. The minor residents, i.e. the children, of the aforementioned House were located in their individual beds and were engaged in nocturnal hallucinations, i.e. dreams, wherein vision of confectionery treats, including, but not limited to, candies, nuts and/or sugar plums, did dance, cavort and otherwise appear in said dreams.

Whereupon the party of the first part (sometimes hereinafter referred to as (“I”), being the joint-owner in fee simple of the House with the party of the second part (hereinafter “Mamma”), and said Mamma had retired for a sustained period of sleep. (At such time, the parties were clad in various forms of headgear, e.g., kerchief and cap.

Suddenly, and without prior notice or warning, there did occur upon the unimproved real property adjacent and appurtenant to said House, i.e., the lawn, a certain disruption of unknown nature, cause and/or circumstance. The party of the first part did immediately rush to a window in the House to investigate the cause of such disturbance.

At that time, the party of the first part did observe, with some degree of wonder and/or disbelief, a miniature sleigh (hereinafter “the Vehicle”) being pulled and/or drawn very rapidly through the air by approximately eight (8) reindeer. The driver of the Vehicle appeared to be and in fact was, the previously referenced Claus.

Said Claus was providing specific direction, instruction and guidance to the approximately eight (8) reindeer and specifically identified the animal co-conspirators by name: Dasher, Dancer, Prancer, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner and Blitzen (hereinafter “the Deer”). (Upon information and belief, it is further asserted that an additional co- conspirator named “Rudolph” may have been involved.)

The party of the first part witnessed Claus, the Vehicle and the Deer intentionally and willfully trespass upon the roofs of several residences located adjacent to and in the vicinity of the House, and noted that the Vehicle was heavily laden with packages, toys and other items of unknown origin or nature. Suddenly, without prior invitation or permission, either express or implied, the Vehicle arrived at the
House, and Claus entered said House via the chimney.

Said Claus was clad in a red fur suit, which was partially covered with residue from the chimney, and he carried a large sack containing a portion of the aforementioned packages, toys, and other unknown items. He was smoking what appeared to be tobacco in a small pipe in blatant violation of local ordinances and health regulations.

Claus did not speak, but immediately began to fill the stocking of the minor children, which hung adjacent to the chimney, with toys and other small gifts. (Said items did not, however, constitute “gifts” to said minor pursuant to the applicable provisions of the U.S. Tax Code.)

Upon completion of such task, Claus touched the side of his nose and flew, rose and/or ascended up the chimney of the House to the roof where the Vehicle and Deer waited and/or served as “lookouts.” Claus immediately departed for an unknown destination.

However, prior to the departure of the Vehicle, Deer and Claus from said House, the party of the first part did hear Claus state and/or exclaim: “Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!” Or words to that effect.

- Author unknown

Well, for a number of reasons, my birthday this year got off to a pretty rough start. Don’t get me wrong, turning forty-five is fine. In fact, I really like the age I’m at and wouldn’t trade it for the anything. And by the end of the day, it actually turned out pretty darn wonderful. Still, Bruce stuck his head in my office before leaving and promised me a do-over.

Sunday, he made good on his offer and treated me to a day of golf at Eagle’s Landing Country Club. It was spectacular. Great weather, great company and I almost broke 100 on a really hard course. In fact, I would have shot a 97 had I not blown up on the final hole, a par five featuring my biggest nightmare, a lake to my left.

Even that didn’t couldn’t bring me down. Thank you again Bruce and Mr. Greer, the day was the perfect mulligan.

Now, seeing Charles Barkley’s golf swing somehow makes that day even more special. If this weren’t so darn funny, it would sad.

Nope, it’s just too darn funny.